I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
