my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
