Please, let me fuck your mom
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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