So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
