So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
