did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
