You're my little dorito
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
