Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
