my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
