i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
And then my night got REAL pukey
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
