Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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