is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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