Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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