the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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