I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
