Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
