oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
