you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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