he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
