you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
