She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
