Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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