Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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