What did we do last night that was yellow?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
