Plan B is the new Plan A
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
