trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
