Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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