He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
