I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
