Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
