You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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