Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
