hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i barfeds in our rink
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
