I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
