You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
