We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
This girl is more easily done than said...
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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