I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Randomize
