I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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