I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
