just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Two words: blizzard sex
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Randomize
