My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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