and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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