i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
