dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
