Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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