Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
