the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
