wakey wakey hands off snakey
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
