Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
