hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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