went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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