The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
