Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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