I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
