maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
